Japanese Culture in New York - Chopsticks NY

Looking For Love In New and Old Places

There’s an old saying that if you are 26 years old and unmarried in Japan, you were a “day old Christmas cake” that nobody wanted. The days of naturally finding a partner and getting married at an “appropriate age” have somewhat diminished. But in recent years, looking for love has taken on a whole new meaning.

“Konkatsu” is a recently coined phrase which is the shortened form of “kekkon katsudo” (the activity of looking for someone to marry). This is similar to “shushoku katsudo” (the activity of looking for a new job).  The idea is that, in order to get a new job, you have to be actively searching. In order to get married, you have to be actively looking for a suitable partner. The phrase became popular after family sociologist Masahiro Yamada wrote a book about the current generation of Japanese looking to get married. According to a survey conducted by the Japanese Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare in 2005, the average age of marriage in Japan is 31.7 for men and 29.4 for women. Yamada attributes the rising marriage ages to issues such as men not being able to find a proper full-time job, women’s increased ability to support themselves, the drive to become a career-woman, etc. In his book, Yamada examines how difficult it is to find a suitable lifetime partner, and this pursuit became known as the trend of “Konkatsu.”

Traditionally, there has been a pattern that Japanese people would meet at work and get married. But with increasing divorce rates, people are thinking twice about marrying someone from the workplace in case of a divorce, and are looking for new ways to meet people. In addition, there used to be some social stigmatism tied to using a marriage service. It meant that you couldn’t find a partner on your own or were an undesirable partner in some way.  But times are slowly changing, and rather than waiting for Mr. or Ms. Right to come along, Japanese are becoming more pro-active.

Some people go to parties and introduce their friends. Others are looking to the internet. In previous generations, some people kept it a secret that they were actively looking for a partner because they didn’t want others to think that they couldn’t find someone.  However, as more and more women register at dating or marriage services, it is becoming increasingly, socially acceptable to talk about searching for a partner.  Looking for a partner has become such a mainstream activity that even TV dramas are popping up.

NHK has started a new TV drama called “Konkatsu-Rikatsu.” (“Rikatsu” is about the activity of getting divorced.) The show features two women aged 39, one of whom must get married and the other whom must get divorced due to their personal circumstances. The show follows the stories of these two women who have been friends since elementary school, yet have very different values. This show examines topics that are often on people’s minds such as “What is love?” and “What does it mean to be married?”

The Fuji Television drama “Konkatsu!” features Amemiya, a man who has lost his job and lies about being married to get a new job. This lie snowballs into other twisted tales and stories with his co-workers. Amemiya wants to keep his job and tries his best to keep up the façade. He eventually teams up with some of his co-workers to try and find a real wife. Rather than just having the usual “Go-kon” [a party where men and women introduce their mutual friends], Amemiya and his friends attempt to meet women through other means such as cooking and yoga.

Only time will tell if these “Konkatsu” efforts will pay off.

——— Reported by Kia Cheleen